Best Friends

Having a best friend has been an elusive challenge for me. I had friends as a child who liked me well enough to play with me exclusively for a short time, but “weird” was a word often used to describe my personality. I was sensitive, another term used to describe me.

When I was in 6^th grade, I had a best friend named Hilary. She was a year younger than I was, but we were in the same split-class. We also went to church together, which was nice, since there were so few LDS kids in the town and fewer that lived their religion. Hilary and I played together a lot, even going to each other’s houses sometimes. One day I came to school and she was with a group of 5^th-graders who I had grown to understand were gossipy. Hilary came up to me and told me, in front of this group of girls, that she would no longer be my friend, because I liked Poppy, a less popular girl in my own grade. I was heartbroken. And I was angry, because Poppy was one of the nicest girls I knew because she didn’t care what others thought, and she tried to do what was right despite her less-than-ideal circumstances. I thought that was a pretty lame excuse to stop being my friend. It was a really hard thing for me to get over, too, because I was hoping for my friendship with Hilary to last forever. We had shared so many secrets, so many exciting adventures. But I’m glad I got that opportunity to know Poppy better and to lose my friendship with Hilary before I became what she did.

I remember, after this huge disappointment in friendship, looking through my older sisters’ yearbooks with wonder at the ads in the back. There would be full-page spreads dedicated to some glamorous girl proclaiming her to be the most wonderful daughter/sister/girlfriend/whatever, or a similar one for a guy expressing how manly and fabulous he was for being a great boyfriend/son/sports player/etc. Those ads were interesting, but the ones I was most fascinated by and spent the most time studying were the ads dedicated to a best friend. I saw pictures of two friends as preschoolers and then again as seniors in high school. It was mind-boggling for me to imagine being so close to someone for so many years.

I had a group of friends in middle and high school and, for an unexplained reason, we all clung loosely to each other. We really didn’t have much in common. We all looked different, practiced various religions, came from all manner of family situations, and had few similar interests. We had classes together and really didn’t fit in to any clique. I wonder now why we were friends. I didn’t hang out with any of them outside of school. We shared personal things with each other and became excited for each other when the boy we liked spoke to us or looked at us, but we didn’t have sleepovers or hug each other or anything like that. I didn’t even have a relationship like that with a sister. My journal was my best friend. I wrote many times about how I wished I had someone, male or female, who would listen to me and share my innermost thoughts. How I wished I could post a picture in the yearbook my senior year with someone who cared to declare that we were BEST FRIENDS!

Sam and I have been married for over eleven years. We have shared so much and I can honestly say that he is my best friend. Our secrets are shared, and there is nothing that can break that strong cord binding us together. Sam is the most amazing man I have ever met, real or fictional. He has taught me more about myself and about the world in the time I’ve known him than all I learned in the 19 years I lived before. I have learned to forgive myself and others, to speak up for myself, to love people and understand why they make certain mistakes (including myself), and among many other things, how to just be myself. Also, he has taught me to realize that “men are that they might have joy,” and that joy can be found in all things.

It seems like a recurring theme in my life is that whenever I make a close friend, she has to move away. I don’t understand why this keeps happening, but inevitably, it does. I am still trying to be a good friend. Having a best gal friend is still a goal in the future. Sam encourages me to make friends and try to find people who will enrich my life, build me up, and give me happiness. I can’t imagine a better friend than that.

Violinista

I have played the violin since 4^th grade. My father taught orchestra in the schools and I got no preferential treatment. I didn’t even really care for playing an instrument, to be honest. I just copied whatever Jenny did. She was the girl who sat next to me in class. And playing in orchestra was not an option, it was just what we did. The end. No discussion. I didn’t even know that people got to choose whether they played instruments or not.

So throughout my years in school, I played in orchestra with Dad as conductor. In middle school, I branched out to the bass, because there wasn’t one in the orchestra and I wanted to try something really new and exciting. It was so easy, and I got a lot of attention whenever I’d carry the bass around. I didn’t really like standing out like that, but it sort of goes with the territory when you play the biggest instrument in town.

In eighth grade, I discovered competition. I went back to the violin because I wanted a smaller instrument again. It wasn’t important to me to sit in first chair, though for some weird reason I was always there. It wasn’t a priority for me to practice and I rarely did, when I couldn’t find a good book to read. But there was a Korean boy who had skipped a grade or two, and he could play beautifully. I know he spent a good chunk of his days practicing the violin, and it seemed to him almost disgusting to have to play in a group with other kids. He had amazing intonation but absolutely no expression, like he was a machine spitting out the data he read on the sheetmusic page. There was no way I was letting this punk be concertmaster. Somewhere inside me I felt a motherly, protective irritation towards him. The rest of the kids in the class needed someone older and wiser to be their example, not someone who didn’t even care to be their friend. I’m no great leader, but the quiet example of someone with respect to the rules is something that inspires me. So I practiced and practiced and practiced the piece we were going to play to compete for concertmaster and got that song down so perfectly that I almost felt sorry for my competitor when he lost. I could clearly see his disappointment, because he genuinely felt like he was far above everyone else in skill. As for me, there was no feeling of victory or smugness, I just felt lame. I felt like I had pushed a member of the group away in order for me to rise to the top. Competition stinks.

In high school, I was happy to go to the bottom of the totem pole. A few older musicians were very talented and inspired me to practice more than I had ever done before. Not that it was very often, but it was still better. By the time I reached my senior year, I was the only senior in orchestra. No competition!

There was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that I can’t believe I saw happen to me that year. The Seattle Symphony did a program where they traveled to different areas and performed with one musician selected from high schools in that area. I was chosen from our school! I was given some impossible music to play along with them, a practice or two in their rehearsal room in Seattle, and a final performance at the college concert hall in Aberdeen. I will never forget that experience. I was surrounded by the most perfect music imaginable. The musicians were ONE. They blended and moved together without a blemish. I played quietly so as to keep the perfection as intact as possible in order to experience the moment as long as I could. I honestly think the Lord made it possible for me to be there as a sparkle of hope, so that I could visualize Heavenly music at a dreary time in my life when the future was hazy. I wasn’t taking my life seriously. I didn’t know what I was doing or what I would be doing after high school. Nobody sat me down and had a talk with me about my future. It didn’t seem like anyone really cared very much about my life or how I should be spending my time. But this moment was unreal. I didn’t fully grasp its significance at the time, but it meant a lot to me then.

Throughout my time at home, I played in quartets or groups put together by my dad. Sometimes we made money, sometimes we just played, sometimes we played too long and annoyed people. It was all good, character-building, experience-enhancing fun.

In college, I (miraculously) passed an audition to get into the symphony. We played some challenging pieces and some hauntingly beautiful ones. I realized that my practice habits put me farther back in the second violin section than I had ever been before. But hey, when you’re not in front, you can scope out the babes or goof around with your stand partner without notice! Awesome! We played a special concert for the prophet in the Tabernacle. My stand partner ran into President Hinckley, but I missed him. Too much primping in the mirror – vanity ruined my day.

For a while here in La Grande, I had a music group called New Vintage, and it was a beautiful gal named Lisa and me who both sang, she played the piano, and I played violin. We would meet at her house once a week and go through music and mostly chat. She was one of the closest friends I’ve ever had. We played for a wedding and a local business show, but we didn’t get many gigs. We blended well together. She was far more talented than she realized. I think we both benefited from the girl time we spent, using New Vintage as an excuse for it. When she moved away, I stopped playing the violin for a while. I play in church a couple times a year, but that’s about it.

Since getting older, I’m starting to get braver, caring less and less about others’ opinions. I’m not going to let it get out of control, as I’ve seen with other people caring not at all about others’ opinions, but let’s just say it’s a necessary part of my self esteem. Last year I was brave enough to try out my first fiddle competition, which was so much fun because of my cheering section! I love my family! And last night I tried playing in the pit for “Sound of Music.” That was nerve-wracking. I did fine, but I think I’ll have last night be the last of it.

So, I’m a violinist with little ambition. It’s fun to play in church or in small groups, familiar music without having to branch out too much. I don’t like to compete. I don’t like to practice a lot. I don’t like learning new fingerings or tricks. Traditionally, I’m not the typical violinist. I didn’t even start out with a passion for it. Even so, the experiences I’ve had as a result of learning the basics and using them for 23 years have been amazing. I’m no Itzhak Perlman, but I love my beautiful violin (with the Pirastro Obligato strings and rosin – thank you, Sam!) and we’re a great team when we do nice, quiet, unassuming stuff together.

Twilight

So, at the recommendation of cousin Marie Orton, who is in my ward, I read the first vampire book by Stephenie Meyer. Actually, Sam made me do it. He sent the book to me via e-mail, and he knows that once I start a book, it's difficult to put down. This one was no different.

It's set in Forks, Washingon, which is an actual town near where I spent nine years of my boring life. The main character, Bella, has brown eyes and brown hair and is pretty much a boring person like me. She's in high school. She meets up with a remarkably talented, handsome, and mysterious guy who happens to be a vampire, and they are drawn to each other by more than the average chemistry. Edward reminds me in many ways of Sam. For these reasons alone, it was difficult to stop myself from reading the book from cover to cover in a day's time.

The second, third, and fourth books were brought over to me by Marie on Thursday, a week ago. I figured that I would eventually get to them, but I started the next book on Friday...well, I finished them all by Monday night late. The second book references "Romeo and Juliet" and is loosely based on that play. The third book references "Wuthering Heights" and is loosely based on that book. (I hated that book, but this novel made some interesting references that helped me to better understand the point of the original story.)

Those three would be complete, in my opinion. I started reading the fourth book and immediately regretted it. When Bella was just about to drink some blood, I put the book down and told Sam I was done. He told me to just keep reading and see if it got better. The book was just a weird, unnecessary addition. Maybe some of the romance novel innuendos and graphic violence could have been cut out and I'd have liked it much better.

Anyway, now I see that they're making a movie of the books. It sort of made me sad to see the cast and how different they are from who I imagined. Aside from "Harry Potter," this is the first time I've read the book and then seen the movie. I can see that I'll be disappointed in the Hollywood version of the books, but isn't that the point of Hollywood? Moneymoneymoney. Regardless of the good original, things must be changed in order to appease a larger audience. It sickens me. I would much rather see BBC's "Pride and Prejudice" than the trite new Hollywood version, even though it lasts much longer. I want to see a full story with realistic characters. That makes for a movie I want to watch again and again. That's what I love about reading. It gives me a fuller view of the thoughts and motivations of each character and lets me take my time mulling it over as to what it means.

As for the Twilight series, it's an interesting concept, but I'm not sure I'll ever read it again. Bella is so stinkin' selfish, and she doesn't deserve what Edward has to offer her. Very romantic and everything, but I'm surprised to hear myself say that what I've got is much more romantic!