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Late Thoughts

(thoughts I had on Mother's Day 2009)

“I love you, Mother,” said little John;
Then, forgetting his work, his cap went on,
And he was off to the garden swing,
Leaving her the water and wood to bring.

“I love you, Mother,” said rosy Nell.
“I love you better than tongue can tell.”
Then she teased and pouted full half the day,
Till her mother rejoiced when she went to play.

“I love you, Mother,” said little Fan.
“Today I’ll help you all I can.
How glad I am that school doesn’t keep!”
So she rocked the babe till it fell asleep.
Then, stepping softly, she fetched the broom,
And swept the floor and tidied the room.
Busy and happy all day was she,
Helpful and happy as a child could be.

“I love you, Mother,” again they said,
Three little children going to bed.
How do you think that Mother guessed
Which of them really loved her best?
(Joy Allison, “Which Loved Best?”)

I have heard this poem many times throughout my childhood and even as an adult. I have been blessed with five children who are many times much like little Fan in the poem – children who were eager to give talks to declare their love for their mother when they heard their parents were to speak on Mother’s Day. They show their love for their mother daily through the service they render to her and to each other. And although none of us is perfect, I couldn’t ask for a greater group of children to befriend.

Eleven years ago when I had my first child, Kinson, I learned a lot of things I was unprepared for. I had been around children a lot growing up, but I certainly didn’t understand them. Most of them seemed pretty unruly, and I had little patience for them. As I cared for Kinson in his first moments of life, I loved him with a new, eternal perspective that I had never had before. He was my responsibility for eternity. He would depend on me to learn everything, from speaking coherently to sewing a button to talking to girls. I understood that he was a child of God and that in order for him to return to Heavenly Father, I must teach him righteous principles.

President David O. McKay’s wisdom in this concept is explained when he said:

“Motherhood is the greatest potential influence either for good or ill in human life. The mother’s image is the first that stamps itself on the unwritten page of the young child’s mind. It is her caress that first awakens a sense of security; her kiss, the first realization of affection; her sympathy and tenderness, the first assurance that there is love in the world. True, there comes a time when Father takes his place as exemplar and hero of the growing boy; and in the latter’s budding ambition to develop manly traits, he outwardly seems to turn from the more gentle and tender virtues engendered by his mother. Yet that ever-directing and restraining influence implanted during the first years of his childhood linger with him and permeate his thoughts and memory as distinctively as perfume clings to each particular flower.”

Gordon B. Hinckley also has something to say about a mother’s role:

“You have nothing in this world more precious than your children. When you grow old, when your hair turns white and your body grows weary, when you are prone to sit in a rocker and meditate on the things of your life, nothing will be so important as the question of how your children have turned out. It will not be the money you have made. It will not be the cars you have owned. It will not be the large house in which you live. The searing question that will cross your mind again and again will be, How well have my children done?

“If the answer is that they have done very well, then your happiness will be complete. If they have done less than well, then no other satisfaction can compensate for your loss.

“…God bless you, dear friends. Do not trade your birthright as a mother for some bauble of passing value. Let your first interest be in your home. The baby you hold in your arms will grow quickly as the sunrise and the sunset of the rushing days. I hope that when that occurs you will not be led to exclaim as did King Lear, “How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child!” (King Lear, I, iv, 312). Rather, I hope that you will have every reason to be proud concerning your children, to have love for them, to have faith in them, to see them grow in righteousness and virtue before the Lord, to see them become useful and productive members of society. If with all you have done there is an occasional failure, you can still say, “At least I did the very best of which I was capable. I tried as hard as I knew how. I let nothing stand in the way of my role as a mother.” Failures will be few under such circumstances.

“…May the blessings of heaven rest upon you, my dear sisters. May you not trade a present thing of transient value for the greater good of sons and daughters, boys and girls, young men and women for whose upbringing you have an inescapable responsibility.

“May the virtue of your children’s lives sanctify and hallow your old age. May you be led to exclaim with gratitude as did John, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth” (3 Jn. 1:4).

Each of our children and the spirit they bring into our homes is a blessing in our lives. They teach us so many truths that we could not have learned without them. They make being a mother a pleasure more often than not. Let us show greater love to our children and know that the Lord is available at all times to help us in raising them. I love my children very much and am grateful that the Lord has seen fit to bless Sam and me with the opportunity to be parents. Let us all recognize the blessings we receive through the children we serve.

Ahem, Time?

Let's see...it's been nine months since my last post on this blog. What happened? How did time just vanish that way? I have no explanation for it, other than staying busy and living my life to its somewhat-fullest.

I've been told many different times that I should blog about our adventures with this house. I wish I had done it as it happened, because now I don't think I can remember everything that has gone on since March of 2009.

And now to ramble onto my previous subject...how in the HECK is it already 2010?

I'm no good at this blogging thing. I do pretty well with little clippets on facebook, but not with the expectations I feel are so lingering over my head whenever I post a blog entry. I feel like there should be more to it than, "Hi! Just saying hi! Well, see ya!" And isn't that really what facebook is all about? I kind of feel like my blog should be more juicy stuff - only, where is the juicy stuff I should write? Are there that many words in my head that are screaming to be put onto a blog? And why am I asking so many questions? Will anyone actually answer them? I'm weird, it's true.

So anyway, back to the original subject: time. So, hey, what's up with it? I think it should slow down. But wait, I think it can. While I was in school this past term, time was whizzing by like...something really fast that I'm too lazy to think of right now. During Christmas Break, while the kids were out of school and we all anticipated the goodies for Christmas and the food and the parties and the nothingness that filled our days with plenty of joy after a busy semester for us all - time slowed to a crawl. And it's very nice. I have enjoyed spending time with the family. So I think the key is to take time away from busyness. And that is a goal of mine - one of many, but the key goal - this year.

Little Man

Kinson is growing up. He turned eleven years old last month - I remember when I was that age! Fifth grade was when I moved from La Grande to Aberdeen and went to four different schools that year. Kinson will have gone to four different schools, too. But he will have returned to La Grande!

Our oldest child is a talented kid. We've treated him like a little man from the moment he was born and we had no clue how to be parents. We have expected a lot from him and many times catch ourselves, realizing that he needs to be a little boy. Kinson is not afraid to speak or sing or act in front of an audience. He is highly impressionable, and he remembers everything he hears or reads. Sometimes he will quote verbatim (adding in voices) Calvin and Hobbes comics he read months ago and laugh at them, then say, "I'm not really sure what that meant. So, what does it mean?" And he loves to read - he has read all of the Harry Potter series - but he has an odd way of piecemealing his reading. He read the series out of order, sometimes reading the endings first.

Kinson has a perfectly round head. I can shave him bald and he looks great! Or I can give him any haircut without worrying about cowlicks or bumps, like most of the rest of the world. His hair is thick and is getting darker, though he spent his young life as a light blond.

I love Kinson. He is dramatic, energetic, kind, intelligent, creative, and sentimental. I could go on all day talking about what a great kid he is. I'm glad he's my son.

Home of the Brave

We moved into the house a week earlier than we had planned, because Sam got the idea into his head that we would, so we did it. We moved from Elgin to La Grande on Saturday, March 14, and since there was only one more week of school until Spring Break, I wanted the kids to go to the same school that week and start at a new school after the break. That meant driving early in the mornings from La Grande to Elgin (20 miles) Monday through Thursday, and sometimes coming back to La Grande during the day to get things done, and then having to drive back out to pick up the kids and drive them back home to La Grande. It was the best solution under the circumstances.

This home is large, and the land it was built on is an acre. I didn't know how big an acre was before, but now I'm glad I have only an acre. Everything, and I mean everything, inside and outside, about this house is unfinished. There is so much work to be done. Not only that, but it is filthy. I have never had a true concept of filth, though I thought I did, until now. The kitchen cupboards were so covered in grime that had to be scrubbed for a really, really long time before it even made an iota of difference. My mom came over and helped to clean my kitchen for a couple of days before I moved in. Nothing had been cleaned before our move except what we did. A dumpster was parked outside the house - I think it was the biggest we could get - and it was filled to the brim with garbage taken out of this house and around the yard. The ceiling in two rooms on the main floor had to be removed because of a water problem upstairs that had to be resolved. The house stank like moldy wood for days and has been airing out since before the move. None of the rooms in the house is completely finished. Nearly every window sill in the house has yet to be put in. The house is at 95% completion, so we get to decide on the finishes we'll put in, flooring we can install, wall colors to paint, edgings, light fixtures, and all manner of coverings. There are mature fruit trees outside, just waiting for a different season before we can harvest their fruit. There is a big, fenced playground in the back for the kids to play on. There is a vast area ready for preparation to plant a garden. There is a chicken coop and run area that we have been preparing for our baby chicks, who have been living in a special plastic tote in the sunroom (we have a sunroom!). We have so much room to work and play, and I am happy that we found this wonderful home! It's a work in progress, that's for sure, but I can see the potential. Every day it looks a little better. And all of us are happier to spread out - and to be closer to Grandma and Grandpa Jensen!

Doors

We've all heard the phrase: "When God closes a door, He opens a window." In my experience, it goes more like this: "When God closes a door, He opens a window, a secret hatch, and a couple of French doors."

Once I think I have figured out the plan of my life for a while and feel pretty good about the choices I have made, I go along in my life for a period of time thinking I know what I'll be doing. Then, something happens that makes me feel like I should be doing something else. I try to be in tune with what the Lord wants me to do. I want to please Him. I am not really catching on, though, to what lesson I need to be learning.

Four months ago, I struggled with the decision we made to move out here to Elgin. We slashed our possessions down so that we could fit our seven-people-strong family into a home literally one-third the size of the one we'd been living in. We made arrangements for my business to be moved and found a place to rent an office here in town. We have had so many amazing things happen to get us here, including the people of the church being willing to make sacrifices to move us in. We immediately were given callings in the church as soon as we got here. Sam has been serving as the ward mission leader, a huge task for any man. I have been helping in the Young Women auxilliary, as the only presidency member to have ever been in the program as a youth and who also has served in another presidency in the church as an adult. Our callings are not for the faint-of-heart. Neither is our ward. As small town ward members, we are subject to all manner of gossip from loveable people who are not ever afraid to speak their minds. I enjoy the village feel of Elgin. I also love the four-day school week, and so do the kids.

But we planned on only staying in this tiny home for a short time, until we could find a bigger place to live. There are no options here in Elgin, unless we want to spend 2.5 million dollars to buy a house on 350 acres - but like I said, no options. Staying here is not an option for much longer. We can't live in such a tiny space. I'm feeling really claustrophobic, despite my grateful attitude that we have a place to live. That attitude is fading along with the possiblilities for expansion here in Elgin.

A couple of weeks ago, a lady that Sam knows from working with Freelife mentioned a home that she wants to either rent or sell, located in La Grande. It has a ridiculous amount of space, but she lives hours away and has been renting out the house to a relative who hasn't been a good renter. We went and looked at the house on Friday, and I had a wonderful feeling about it. Every room in the house is unfinished. The house has been renovated several times over, and the state of the majority of the home is at the perfect level where we could do whatever we wanted to do to beautify it. We'd be paying less for rent there than we are paying now for our rent of this house and the office here in Elgin. Plus, we'd be closer to my parents to help them out when needed.

I guess I was being dramatic about the French doors and secret hatch, but it certainly feels like those extra doors are opening. I'm afraid to let the opportunity for this home to pass us by. I feel good about taking the house. It's not pretty in its present state (by any means!), but I can see its potential. We'll find out later in the week what the terms will be. For now, I'm dreaming of having an actual, real pantry. And more than one tiny bathroom. And a fenced yard. And an office in my house that I don't have to drive to. And a place to keep the bikes. And space to separate the kitchen and the living room.

What am I to learn from all this? Why did the Lord make it possible for us to come to Elgin for such a short period? Were there people whose lives needed to be touched by our family who couldn't have been affected otherwise? Were there people we needed to meet to change our lives? Were we being tested to see if we would obey? Are there still things that need to happen in the weeks to come before we move that are life-changing to us or to someone else? Will we actually move into that house, or will something happen to prevent it from happening? Is this big house just a temptation, or is it a righteous wish for me to hope we get it?

I don't know if all of these questions will ever be answered. All I know is that here's another door to pass through. I'm thinking I want Spring to come swiftly so that I can spend more time outside and I don't have to walk through so many doors!

Belated Christmas Program

Tonight, our family attended the kids' Christmas program for their school - it had to be rescheduled due to the blizzardy weather we had at Christmas time. All four of the kids were in the front row of each of their classes, so it was easy to see them.

First on stage was Silas with his Kindergarten class. He was front and center, and so confident! It was wonderful to watch him sing. Even when the other kids started singing at the wrong time or forgot to come in at the beginning of a phrase, Silas got right in there and wasn't phased by the mistakes.

After another class sang, Gavin went on stage with his class. He reminded me of what I would imagine Sam would have been like as a second-grader. Gavin can be so goofy, but when he gets on stage, he's all business. I could tell on a Spanish song that he was trying hard to do a genuine accent.

Cambria's fourth-grade class and Kinson's fifth-grade class did no singing. Their classes played songs on their recorders. Cambria played the soprano recorder. She took the first few minutes onstage to look around and find Sam, Eliza, and me in the audience. Once she found us, she looked quite a bit more comfortable being there. She is such a beautiful girl! I curled her hair and painted her nails, so she felt pretty. Eliza was very excited to see her big sister up there!

Kinson played alto recorder and was clearly leading the other altos. He is just as comfortable talking to a friend as he is on a stage. I saw Kinson, dressed in his Sunday best, and flashed back to his Kindergarten Christmas program. He looked just the same, but this time he combed his own hair (which looked very nice). It's so difficult for me to comprehend that five years have passed so quickly.

I love elementary school music programs. Small children are so innocent and curious about life, and their personalities show so freely. It brings me joy to participate in their enthusiasm. And sharing their talents is a fantastic way for them to transfer that enthusiasm. It inspires me to want to be more enthusiastic about the things I do.