Little Man

Kinson is growing up. He turned eleven years old last month - I remember when I was that age! Fifth grade was when I moved from La Grande to Aberdeen and went to four different schools that year. Kinson will have gone to four different schools, too. But he will have returned to La Grande!

Our oldest child is a talented kid. We've treated him like a little man from the moment he was born and we had no clue how to be parents. We have expected a lot from him and many times catch ourselves, realizing that he needs to be a little boy. Kinson is not afraid to speak or sing or act in front of an audience. He is highly impressionable, and he remembers everything he hears or reads. Sometimes he will quote verbatim (adding in voices) Calvin and Hobbes comics he read months ago and laugh at them, then say, "I'm not really sure what that meant. So, what does it mean?" And he loves to read - he has read all of the Harry Potter series - but he has an odd way of piecemealing his reading. He read the series out of order, sometimes reading the endings first.

Kinson has a perfectly round head. I can shave him bald and he looks great! Or I can give him any haircut without worrying about cowlicks or bumps, like most of the rest of the world. His hair is thick and is getting darker, though he spent his young life as a light blond.

I love Kinson. He is dramatic, energetic, kind, intelligent, creative, and sentimental. I could go on all day talking about what a great kid he is. I'm glad he's my son.

Home of the Brave

We moved into the house a week earlier than we had planned, because Sam got the idea into his head that we would, so we did it. We moved from Elgin to La Grande on Saturday, March 14, and since there was only one more week of school until Spring Break, I wanted the kids to go to the same school that week and start at a new school after the break. That meant driving early in the mornings from La Grande to Elgin (20 miles) Monday through Thursday, and sometimes coming back to La Grande during the day to get things done, and then having to drive back out to pick up the kids and drive them back home to La Grande. It was the best solution under the circumstances.

This home is large, and the land it was built on is an acre. I didn't know how big an acre was before, but now I'm glad I have only an acre. Everything, and I mean everything, inside and outside, about this house is unfinished. There is so much work to be done. Not only that, but it is filthy. I have never had a true concept of filth, though I thought I did, until now. The kitchen cupboards were so covered in grime that had to be scrubbed for a really, really long time before it even made an iota of difference. My mom came over and helped to clean my kitchen for a couple of days before I moved in. Nothing had been cleaned before our move except what we did. A dumpster was parked outside the house - I think it was the biggest we could get - and it was filled to the brim with garbage taken out of this house and around the yard. The ceiling in two rooms on the main floor had to be removed because of a water problem upstairs that had to be resolved. The house stank like moldy wood for days and has been airing out since before the move. None of the rooms in the house is completely finished. Nearly every window sill in the house has yet to be put in. The house is at 95% completion, so we get to decide on the finishes we'll put in, flooring we can install, wall colors to paint, edgings, light fixtures, and all manner of coverings. There are mature fruit trees outside, just waiting for a different season before we can harvest their fruit. There is a big, fenced playground in the back for the kids to play on. There is a vast area ready for preparation to plant a garden. There is a chicken coop and run area that we have been preparing for our baby chicks, who have been living in a special plastic tote in the sunroom (we have a sunroom!). We have so much room to work and play, and I am happy that we found this wonderful home! It's a work in progress, that's for sure, but I can see the potential. Every day it looks a little better. And all of us are happier to spread out - and to be closer to Grandma and Grandpa Jensen!

Doors

We've all heard the phrase: "When God closes a door, He opens a window." In my experience, it goes more like this: "When God closes a door, He opens a window, a secret hatch, and a couple of French doors."

Once I think I have figured out the plan of my life for a while and feel pretty good about the choices I have made, I go along in my life for a period of time thinking I know what I'll be doing. Then, something happens that makes me feel like I should be doing something else. I try to be in tune with what the Lord wants me to do. I want to please Him. I am not really catching on, though, to what lesson I need to be learning.

Four months ago, I struggled with the decision we made to move out here to Elgin. We slashed our possessions down so that we could fit our seven-people-strong family into a home literally one-third the size of the one we'd been living in. We made arrangements for my business to be moved and found a place to rent an office here in town. We have had so many amazing things happen to get us here, including the people of the church being willing to make sacrifices to move us in. We immediately were given callings in the church as soon as we got here. Sam has been serving as the ward mission leader, a huge task for any man. I have been helping in the Young Women auxilliary, as the only presidency member to have ever been in the program as a youth and who also has served in another presidency in the church as an adult. Our callings are not for the faint-of-heart. Neither is our ward. As small town ward members, we are subject to all manner of gossip from loveable people who are not ever afraid to speak their minds. I enjoy the village feel of Elgin. I also love the four-day school week, and so do the kids.

But we planned on only staying in this tiny home for a short time, until we could find a bigger place to live. There are no options here in Elgin, unless we want to spend 2.5 million dollars to buy a house on 350 acres - but like I said, no options. Staying here is not an option for much longer. We can't live in such a tiny space. I'm feeling really claustrophobic, despite my grateful attitude that we have a place to live. That attitude is fading along with the possiblilities for expansion here in Elgin.

A couple of weeks ago, a lady that Sam knows from working with Freelife mentioned a home that she wants to either rent or sell, located in La Grande. It has a ridiculous amount of space, but she lives hours away and has been renting out the house to a relative who hasn't been a good renter. We went and looked at the house on Friday, and I had a wonderful feeling about it. Every room in the house is unfinished. The house has been renovated several times over, and the state of the majority of the home is at the perfect level where we could do whatever we wanted to do to beautify it. We'd be paying less for rent there than we are paying now for our rent of this house and the office here in Elgin. Plus, we'd be closer to my parents to help them out when needed.

I guess I was being dramatic about the French doors and secret hatch, but it certainly feels like those extra doors are opening. I'm afraid to let the opportunity for this home to pass us by. I feel good about taking the house. It's not pretty in its present state (by any means!), but I can see its potential. We'll find out later in the week what the terms will be. For now, I'm dreaming of having an actual, real pantry. And more than one tiny bathroom. And a fenced yard. And an office in my house that I don't have to drive to. And a place to keep the bikes. And space to separate the kitchen and the living room.

What am I to learn from all this? Why did the Lord make it possible for us to come to Elgin for such a short period? Were there people whose lives needed to be touched by our family who couldn't have been affected otherwise? Were there people we needed to meet to change our lives? Were we being tested to see if we would obey? Are there still things that need to happen in the weeks to come before we move that are life-changing to us or to someone else? Will we actually move into that house, or will something happen to prevent it from happening? Is this big house just a temptation, or is it a righteous wish for me to hope we get it?

I don't know if all of these questions will ever be answered. All I know is that here's another door to pass through. I'm thinking I want Spring to come swiftly so that I can spend more time outside and I don't have to walk through so many doors!

Belated Christmas Program

Tonight, our family attended the kids' Christmas program for their school - it had to be rescheduled due to the blizzardy weather we had at Christmas time. All four of the kids were in the front row of each of their classes, so it was easy to see them.

First on stage was Silas with his Kindergarten class. He was front and center, and so confident! It was wonderful to watch him sing. Even when the other kids started singing at the wrong time or forgot to come in at the beginning of a phrase, Silas got right in there and wasn't phased by the mistakes.

After another class sang, Gavin went on stage with his class. He reminded me of what I would imagine Sam would have been like as a second-grader. Gavin can be so goofy, but when he gets on stage, he's all business. I could tell on a Spanish song that he was trying hard to do a genuine accent.

Cambria's fourth-grade class and Kinson's fifth-grade class did no singing. Their classes played songs on their recorders. Cambria played the soprano recorder. She took the first few minutes onstage to look around and find Sam, Eliza, and me in the audience. Once she found us, she looked quite a bit more comfortable being there. She is such a beautiful girl! I curled her hair and painted her nails, so she felt pretty. Eliza was very excited to see her big sister up there!

Kinson played alto recorder and was clearly leading the other altos. He is just as comfortable talking to a friend as he is on a stage. I saw Kinson, dressed in his Sunday best, and flashed back to his Kindergarten Christmas program. He looked just the same, but this time he combed his own hair (which looked very nice). It's so difficult for me to comprehend that five years have passed so quickly.

I love elementary school music programs. Small children are so innocent and curious about life, and their personalities show so freely. It brings me joy to participate in their enthusiasm. And sharing their talents is a fantastic way for them to transfer that enthusiasm. It inspires me to want to be more enthusiastic about the things I do.

Home, Part 2

We've lived in our new Elgin home for a month today. Cozy little cottage. The newness has worn off and it's reality from here on out.

I have to say that this small town's inhabitants are much more friendly. We had more visitors in this month than we had in all of last year, minus family, of which we've seen none yet. The Elders' Quorum in the Elgin ward were extremely helpful getting us moved out of La Grande and into Elgin in a timely manner. All of our belongings fit, though boxes are still stacked at walls and will be for some time until we figure out where else we can empty them. There is a small shed to the left of the house, too, which contains boxes of yet untouched (by me, at least) stuff. And behind the house is a market, which takes me all of five minutes away from the house to be done with shopping. Not too shabby!

This move has gotten me thinking about a lot of different things, one of which is people's perception of me. I don't care a lot about status, but some friends of mine made a comment that made it clear that they think I did. It made me sad to think they thought of me that way, but what can I do about it? I am not particularly proud of my house, but it serves the great purpose of keeping us warm and safe. And the inside of it is cute. And those are great reasons to appreciate this blessing!

I love many things about the house. I love the long tub! It's nearly as long as I am! I love the tile floors in the bathroom and kitchen, and the tile on the counter in the kitchen. I love all the windows. I love the winding staircase. I love the location. There are so many things to love about this tiny house. And one of the best things about it is that it's available to us so that we can live in the place the Lord wants us to be.

Home

We are moving to Elgin, Oregon, population 1651. We have lived in La Grande for over 10 years. We lived in this beautiful big old house for one year, and now we will go to a new land, make new friends, and make our home in a new house.

It was Saturday night of Conference weekend when we went to the stake center up the road for a baptism. The little girl who was being baptized is a girl from Elgin whose father directs the plays at the Elgin Opera House and who has worked with Sam several different times therewith. The newly-called bishop was a carpenter who had also worked with these men and all had a positive relationship with each other. Throughout the course of the baptism, Sam felt prompted again and again that he needed to speak with the new bishop. An appropriate moment never came up, so Sam dismissed these promptings. On Monday morning, however, the father of the baptized girl called up Sam and told him that he had felt like he needed to ask Sam to speak with the bishop. Sam figured that he should probably just call up the bishop and see why both he and his friend had felt these promptings. The bishop's reaction to Sam's call was that he had felt prompted to speak with Sam and ask him to join the ward by moving out there to Elgin. Since that fateful conversation, everything has fallen into place for us to make the move. I don't know why the Lord wants us out there, but it is obvious to me that He does. We found a cozy cottage close to the church, the schools, and the Opera House. Our landlord has been uncharacteristically encouraging about it, even letting us break our lease without penalty. That in itself is a miracle. Another miracle is my attitude. At first I was so upset that I made everyone's life miserable. I love the home we're in. We have so much room to spare, room for all of the activities we could possibly choose. The home we're moving into is literally 1/3 the space, with no extra room for anything. Not even an office. But for some reason my attitude changed yesterday when I found out that we're in it for reals. I am so excited for the new adventure we're on! Home isn't the house with the most room for all the kids and places for visitors to stay. It's the place where we all love each other and are willing to make our circumstances work, no matter what they are. I have such a wonderful life and the best family I could ever choose. My husband is the coolest person, and his passions make him beautiful. Although my life is on a track I hadn't planned for, I am grateful that the Lord takes care of us in any circumstance.

Best Friends

Having a best friend has been an elusive challenge for me. I had friends as a child who liked me well enough to play with me exclusively for a short time, but “weird” was a word often used to describe my personality. I was sensitive, another term used to describe me.

When I was in 6^th grade, I had a best friend named Hilary. She was a year younger than I was, but we were in the same split-class. We also went to church together, which was nice, since there were so few LDS kids in the town and fewer that lived their religion. Hilary and I played together a lot, even going to each other’s houses sometimes. One day I came to school and she was with a group of 5^th-graders who I had grown to understand were gossipy. Hilary came up to me and told me, in front of this group of girls, that she would no longer be my friend, because I liked Poppy, a less popular girl in my own grade. I was heartbroken. And I was angry, because Poppy was one of the nicest girls I knew because she didn’t care what others thought, and she tried to do what was right despite her less-than-ideal circumstances. I thought that was a pretty lame excuse to stop being my friend. It was a really hard thing for me to get over, too, because I was hoping for my friendship with Hilary to last forever. We had shared so many secrets, so many exciting adventures. But I’m glad I got that opportunity to know Poppy better and to lose my friendship with Hilary before I became what she did.

I remember, after this huge disappointment in friendship, looking through my older sisters’ yearbooks with wonder at the ads in the back. There would be full-page spreads dedicated to some glamorous girl proclaiming her to be the most wonderful daughter/sister/girlfriend/whatever, or a similar one for a guy expressing how manly and fabulous he was for being a great boyfriend/son/sports player/etc. Those ads were interesting, but the ones I was most fascinated by and spent the most time studying were the ads dedicated to a best friend. I saw pictures of two friends as preschoolers and then again as seniors in high school. It was mind-boggling for me to imagine being so close to someone for so many years.

I had a group of friends in middle and high school and, for an unexplained reason, we all clung loosely to each other. We really didn’t have much in common. We all looked different, practiced various religions, came from all manner of family situations, and had few similar interests. We had classes together and really didn’t fit in to any clique. I wonder now why we were friends. I didn’t hang out with any of them outside of school. We shared personal things with each other and became excited for each other when the boy we liked spoke to us or looked at us, but we didn’t have sleepovers or hug each other or anything like that. I didn’t even have a relationship like that with a sister. My journal was my best friend. I wrote many times about how I wished I had someone, male or female, who would listen to me and share my innermost thoughts. How I wished I could post a picture in the yearbook my senior year with someone who cared to declare that we were BEST FRIENDS!

Sam and I have been married for over eleven years. We have shared so much and I can honestly say that he is my best friend. Our secrets are shared, and there is nothing that can break that strong cord binding us together. Sam is the most amazing man I have ever met, real or fictional. He has taught me more about myself and about the world in the time I’ve known him than all I learned in the 19 years I lived before. I have learned to forgive myself and others, to speak up for myself, to love people and understand why they make certain mistakes (including myself), and among many other things, how to just be myself. Also, he has taught me to realize that “men are that they might have joy,” and that joy can be found in all things.

It seems like a recurring theme in my life is that whenever I make a close friend, she has to move away. I don’t understand why this keeps happening, but inevitably, it does. I am still trying to be a good friend. Having a best gal friend is still a goal in the future. Sam encourages me to make friends and try to find people who will enrich my life, build me up, and give me happiness. I can’t imagine a better friend than that.