We've all heard the phrase: "When God closes a door, He opens a window." In my experience, it goes more like this: "When God closes a door, He opens a window, a secret hatch, and a couple of French doors."Once I think I have figured out the plan of my life for a while and feel pretty good about the choices I have made, I go along in my life for a period of time thinking I know what I'll be doing. Then, something happens that makes me feel like I should be doing something else. I try to be in tune with what the Lord wants me to do. I want to please Him. I am not really catching on, though, to what lesson I need to be learning.
Four months ago, I struggled with the decision we made to move out here to Elgin. We slashed our possessions down so that we could fit our seven-people-strong family into a home literally one-third the size of the one we'd been living in. We made arrangements for my business to be moved and found a place to rent an office here in town. We have had so many amazing things happen to get us here, including the people of the church being willing to make sacrifices to move us in. We immediately were given callings in the church as soon as we got here. Sam has been serving as the ward mission leader, a huge task for any man. I have been helping in the Young Women auxilliary, as the only presidency member to have ever been in the program as a youth and who also has served in another presidency in the church as an adult. Our callings are not for the faint-of-heart. Neither is our ward. As small town ward members, we are subject to all manner of gossip from loveable people who are not ever afraid to speak their minds. I enjoy the village feel of Elgin. I also love the four-day school week, and so do the kids.
But we planned on only staying in this tiny home for a short time, until we could find a bigger place to live. There are no options here in Elgin, unless we want to spend 2.5 million dollars to buy a house on 350 acres - but like I said, no options. Staying here is not an option for much longer. We can't live in such a tiny space. I'm feeling really claustrophobic, despite my grateful attitude that we have a place to live. That attitude is fading along with the possiblilities for expansion here in Elgin.
A couple of weeks ago, a lady that Sam knows from working with Freelife mentioned a home that she wants to either rent or sell, located in La Grande. It has a ridiculous amount of space, but she lives hours away and has been renting out the house to a relative who hasn't been a good renter. We went and looked at the house on Friday, and I had a wonderful feeling about it. Every room in the house is unfinished. The house has been renovated several times over, and the state of the majority of the home is at the perfect level where we could do whatever we wanted to do to beautify it. We'd be paying less for rent there than we are paying now for our rent of this house and the office here in Elgin. Plus, we'd be closer to my parents to help them out when needed.
I guess I was being dramatic about the French doors and secret hatch, but it certainly feels like those extra doors are opening. I'm afraid to let the opportunity for this home to pass us by. I feel good about taking the house. It's not pretty in its present state (by any means!), but I can see its potential. We'll find out later in the week what the terms will be. For now, I'm dreaming of having an actual, real pantry. And more than one tiny bathroom. And a fenced yard. And an office in my house that I don't have to drive to. And a place to keep the bikes. And space to separate the kitchen and the living room.
What am I to learn from all this? Why did the Lord make it possible for us to come to Elgin for such a short period? Were there people whose lives needed to be touched by our family who couldn't have been affected otherwise? Were there people we needed to meet to change our lives? Were we being tested to see if we would obey? Are there still things that need to happen in the weeks to come before we move that are life-changing to us or to someone else? Will we actually move into that house, or will something happen to prevent it from happening? Is this big house just a temptation, or is it a righteous wish for me to hope we get it?
I don't know if all of these questions will ever be answered. All I know is that here's another door to pass through. I'm thinking I want Spring to come swiftly so that I can spend more time outside and I don't have to walk through so many doors!
7 comments:
I can so relate to your feelings. I am waiting for doors and windows and whatever else to open. It is all in the Lord's time but sometimes I wonder if we have more control than we think? Is there more we could do to change our circumstances? Is there something we haven't learned yet? And the horribly selfish question I ask myself when I'm extra frustrated: will it ever be the way I want it to be--will there ever come an answer? I don't have enough faith--I'm sure of that.
I can especially relate to your cramped quarters and the feelings that come with that. I hope that this works out for you (if it's the right thing, of course). Elgin sounds like such a neat little town. Kendal wants to move there ( we want to end up in Oregon somewhere and so we dream and scheme about several towns but aren't in a position to move) but, you're right, there are no options in housing. It's either a 500,000 mediocre home on a tidbit of land or a shanty of a house with no land for 175,000. That's what it looked like to me anyway. There are about 5 houses for sale there.
I am anxious to know the answers to your questions, too. When you figure them out will you tell me?
This sounds so familiar! Who knew we all have the same questions (though perhaps the subjects differ slightly)? All I know is, if something feels right (and isn't contrary to church leaders' counsel) you act on it. If you play the guessing game, it doesn't solve anything, and only makes you second guess your feelings. There is no way of knowing why you felt so strongly about Elgin. If you do end up leaving, just jot it down on your list of questions to be answered when you die. Good luck! We'll add our prayers to yours.
Sharlee...land in Oregon? We Wilhelmsen sisters are looking to settle somewhere on some land but haven't found just the right place. Perhaps we should start looking more seriously in Oregon!
We already have Jensens there! Here we come, Rachel!
We need more good people in this area, for sure! I'd love to see more family here. It's a beautiful valley, no matter which direction you're facing, so stake your claim around these parts, pardner!
Oh, I love that, Rachel-- "When God closes a door, he opens a window, a secret hatch, and a couple of French doors." Ha! Isn't that true? The hardest part about stuff like that is that it's harder to see when you're right in the middle of it. Sometimes it's easier to see the open French doors when we've already passed through them and turn around to see what it was we just went through. I'm so excited to see where your possibilities lead you. You will make the right decision.
And by the way, I LOVE your profile pic. SO CUTE!
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